Beyond the Adversity of Mental Illness: Resilient Moms and Special Kids

Today's Valuable Free Resources/Links:

·        FREE resource to help you learn your brain type- https://www.brainhealthassessment.com/

Summary

In this episode, I introduce you to Barbara Gustavson.

She was born and raised in Virginia.  Barbara is a wife, mom and nature nut who always enjoyed listening to people's stories, ideas, and dreams for their life.

Her mother, a dedicated nurse, was impacted by chronic stress and demands that came with caring for a loved one with a mental and brain health disorder.  She also noticed how many community helpers can get caught in a cycle of overwhelm, accumulated stress and sometimes burnout. 

Subsequently, she focuses on helping those with big hearts who often forget to take care of their needs yet are wanting to live in their purpose and improve their wellbeing.  A mental and brain health advocate and leadership facilitator, provides stress management and burnout prevention training for mental health workers and community leaders. She utilizes a strengths-based approach to support resilience initiatives and is author of "Permission to be BOLD", and head facilitator for Dr. Amen’s certification programs for clinicians, coaches and educators.

Today she speaks about:

Resilience in special children and their families. (0:00)

Brain types and their impact on parenting and mental health. (8:46)

Brain type assessment and SPECT scans. (17:25)

Brain scans and mental health treatment. (21:36)

Mental health self-care and prioritization. (25:10)

Join me for this episode of Mommy Heal Thyself to learn how to raise children with resilience in adversity.

Transcript
(Note, this was transcribed using a transcription software and may not reflect the exact words used in the podcast)

Intro  0:00 

Welcome to Mommy Heal Thyself.  We featured guests that provide you with the tools, resources and strategies you need to say no to a life of pain and suffering all forms of preventable disease, toxic drugs and unnecessary surgeries. We hope to inspire you to boldly reclaim your ability to heal, and to serve ones to love.

Dr Michelle  0:06 

welcome, ladies to another episode of mommy heal thyself and I have with me a fantastic guest and we're going to be talking about resilience in our children, especially those of you that have special children, right? And her name is Barbara Gustafson.

Dr Michelle  0:33 

Gustafson he finds out just edited that part out. And so we have with us today our guest, Barbara Gustafson and she is a mental and brain health advocate and leadership facilitator. She provides stress management and burnout prevention training for mental health workers and community leaders. She utilizes strength based approach to support resilience initiatives, and she's the author of permission to be bold. She's also the head facilitator at Dr. Ayman certification program for coaches and educators. That is actually how I was wonderfully blessed to be able to meet Barbara so Hey, Barbara, how are you doing?

Barbara G  1:20 

I'm doing great Dr. Campbell. I'm so excited you asked me to join i The more I get to know you I just want to hear about what you're doing. And so thank you for having me.

Dr Michelle  1:29 

Well, you know, this is a very, very important area for me, because some of our audience may remember that I've shared with you some of the challenges that I've had with my children, you know, my daughter who had several different mental health diagnoses and then more recently, my son, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and the Amon clinic was a blessing to the point where now, after utilizing, applying the things that I learned through my training as a certification practitioner with a new clinic, my son has recently gotten licensure as an aviation mechanic. It is like night and day when I remember those months of just crying in my pillow, you know, just not knowing what to do. And the Amen clinic was a beacon of light. So, Barbara, tell us a little bit more about what is it that you do what type of families and moms are you encountering? What is some of the major challenges that they're dealing with right now?

Barbara G  2:42 

Yes, first of all, your face just lit up when you shared about your son and my mom at heart. It's just so happy for you. So yeah, so this honestly this is really one of the first times I'm sharing a little bit about my journey, you know, with my family, my children, my two boys are older now. But when it comes to supporting families and mothers, what I'm really noticing is, a lot of them they have they're helping so much and they're helping solve problems, but they're really having this a kind of call it your tug of war. Like their heart is being pulled in so many directions and there's their part of their heart that is wanting to heal their families but there's this other part inside this space in their heart. They're wanting to create, they're wanting to have a space outside what's happening just for them. So there's this inner tug of work. And it's a war that I've had for many, many years as I've navigated a journey with both of my boys so have some special needs. It was just a part of me that wanted something outside of what was happening just to put that spark in my life again. And now that I look back that inner tug of war it was like pulling my heart apart, but over time, I realized it's pulling myself together. They're not separate parts of my heart, but it's just really navigating how to break those parts together. So there isn't that inner war inside of us going on. So as I'm listening to moms to parents, and seeing where their heart really is, for them to imagine there's actually more to life than what they're seeing. Sometimes we're so close to what's happening. And we're so into the research of finding solutions for our loved ones. We forget to know you know what, even something simple as you know how to savor little moments because I I've found myself and I and I'm here to tell you, I didn't navigate the journey as well as I wanted to you know and when my kids were younger, but looking back I could really look at myself with grace and realize I was doing the best I could you know with what I had at the time. But really knowing how to power through that process. And being able to encourage and point people to resources there is a way to thrive in this journey. Sometimes you are in survival mode, but there are moments that you can learn to savor and begin to envision and be able to thrive during that

Dr Michelle  5:41 

so now what are some of the things that you find that these special moms that have special children tend to do that? bite them in the butt. Let's put it that way that kind of compromise their ability to thrive and to be resilient.

Barbara G  6:05 

Probably several things. And I'm gonna share again this first I'm really sharing some kind of reflecting as I share. One of the things like us mothers and parents, not just mothers but actually mothers. We're very nurturing. We'd love to help. I am overwhelmed like I am a self proclaimed. I am overwhelmed or overly responsible mother and I love helping and I tended to get in this mentality I had to save my kiss. And it's kind of this mentality, you know, have to save the world and, you know, go in and solve everything. And I really got caught in over helping over giving over doing it. That I forgot to save her. And so I had to really look at, you know, where are my boundaries, not just boundaries with others both Where Where am I overstepping the line and that's really hard to do. And looking at who can I bring in to support me, system was huge. I didn't at certain points of my children's childhood. You know, I had doctors specialists. There was a support system, but I did not have mentors, or someone who had walked that journey ahead of me to guide me through this. And I found for me personally, I tend to suffer in silence. Feeling alone. My both my boys, my oldest son. He has mild cerebral palsy on one side and so our world was going to doctors, PTO teas, you know, all the whole gamut. And my younger son who's on the spectrum, very high functioning. His work was challenging to just because he was deeply feeling his nervous system. You know, it just all the sensory processing says processing was overwhelming. I tended to feel that with him and I found my place of myself in a place where I was suffering and so for me, I wasn't aware that I was struggling myself. I had some brain health issues I wasn't aware of I found out in my 40s I had suffered a head injury and my teens. It wasn't until they saw it in a scan, but I realized there was things about me that made that journey harder and supporting my kids.

Dr Michelle  8:45 

Wow, there's so much there to unpack. You know, I know as you were telling your story, it reminds me of a terminology that I use for just that type of woman I say you we tend to be Atlas caregivers, you know this the image of Atlas carrying the world on his shoulder, and we want to take everybody's problems and make them our own. And the other thing that came to me as you were telling your story is that I resonated with that because that is exactly what happened to me. When I had those issues with my children started to isolate, you know, and part of it was I felt ashamed. I felt like I I wasn't measuring up as a mom that I should know how to do something better than this right? And I started to isolate and so that's why I keep on encouraging women to reach out to us here and it takes a village so that you can become part of a Sister Circle. God never intended us to do this journey alone. So now Barbara, tell us a little bit more about some of the things that you've learned through the Amon clinic and how these things are able to help these types of women to navigate that particular issue.

Barbara G  10:03 

Yes, I love this question because there's so much available you know, to help people navigate what it really like for me it came to I had to really know myself, you know that Socrates, quote, know thyself very simple for me, included Brighthouse know my nervous system. I had to really embark on a journey of understanding me where I was at. I was fortunate to have SPECT scan on my brain to really know what was happening. And it really helped me navigate the resources I need, needed to go through for my own brain. Relevant brain rehabilitation. And then for from there, I could apply for what I learned to help understanding my kids brains by oldest even if you're familiar with the brain types, yeah. And to see how, even though there's different types, we're all unique, there are no two brain. So looking at okay, what are my children exhibiting? Like, what are my children, you know, high anxious thoughts, you know, what is it? What is he doing, but what might be happening to cause that? So, asking questions to get curious and as you know, Dr. Campbell, so many things can cause anxiety can have so many things like even my own anxiety, there's so many things that can trigger that but really understanding from our brain functioning level, what's happening. Some of the strategies that can be used some of the supplementation that can support that. So for me, it was really looking at it from a high level, but then also targeting in on some of the challenges that we're having.

Dr Michelle  12:03 

I love what you're saying, because part of the reason why we named the podcast mummy heal thyself, is that what I've noticed as a common theme as I work with these families, is that as you start to, quote unquote, fix your child, the irony is that you start to learn certain things that help you to heal yourself and part of of healing. Your child is actually healing yourself first. And I love to see that that's part of your journey. Now, can you tell us a little bit more for those of our audience who are not familiar with this? What are some of the brain types that can be identified?

Barbara G  12:45 

Yeah, so the very first one is a balanced brain type and it took 1000s of specie admin images for them to find what they felt was a quote unquote normal brain and they've because there's no two brains are like really normal, but what they did find is if the four key areas, the four key systems of the brain, you know, are functioning like they're supposed to, that is a balanced brain, and they all work differently, persistent brain type, and you'll see that one

Unknown Speaker  13:17 

second. What are the four different parts of the brain?

Barbara G  13:20 

Yeah, so you have the prefrontal cortex, which is the front part. Think of that is your supervisor, your boss, your personal assistant, whatever word you want. That's kind of running the gamut. Like that's where you make your decision. That's where your organization comes from. That's where empathy slips your relationships. So there's a lot of executive you know, things happening, the task oriented stuff. And then you have the Olympic system, our emotions, that is where you know our happiness, our joy, our fears are out kickin, and when they're running too active, you don't want it too high and takes over it basically takes your supervisor offline. They're like, Okay, I'll check out you feel, and then the cingulate gyrus. That is your brake pedal. So think about you know, you're driving your car. And I remember when I was learning how to drive it was like I was hitting the brakes. You're getting whiplash. For some people that I can get really stuck, I can get over active, and then your basal ganglia. That's where motivation is that works great with the prefrontal cortex on its balance. And there's integral other parts of it those those are the four key main areas. Okay,

Dr Michelle  14:42 

so now let's talk about those brain types that you were going into.

Barbara G  14:46 

Yeah. So the balance, that's when there is good, symmetrical even flow throughout. You tend to kind of roll with things it doesn't mean they don't have bad days and they're not impacted. But you seem to relatively come out that pretty quickly. It's where a lot of a lot of brain resilience, you know, you you can take an impact, and you can come through it and then spontaneous types of so think of those risk takers, they live up to 30 Quite impulsive, and super creative. I mean, everyone has a creativity part but just a wealth of creativity and for each of the types there's, you know, their strengths and there can be vulnerabilities and then persistence, like they can hills like this, but also have times predicting the worst. It's just like, I have a combinations there's 16 different combinations. Of those types. But I tend, like I have a plan, I can, you know, I don't just go with the flow, but I have to have a good backup plan and the anxious types, and they're more sensitive. They're deeply deeply feeling in the cautious types. as well. So you have these types of brain types and they can fluctuate. So if I could just share. When I first started on this journey, I was brain deep. And I was ready for anything and it really made sense because my nervous system tended to be on high alert. So I was very, very, you know, just hypo aroused, you know, and once I started doing certain things, I got to brain type one, and it honestly took about three years. I was like, Yes, I did all this hard work. And then I had COVID I went to brain type 11 It was a different world for me. And I did work and I went down to a brain type three, and I lost my dad early this year and I went to a brain type eight. So this shows that we can fluctuate there's times that our brain is more vulnerable than others. And grief for some reason has hit a little bit differently and harder with other griefs. But I respect my brain when I'm going through but I also use this tool to read where I need to shift and some things that I've been doing. So

Dr Michelle  17:25 

I love what you're saying, you know, because sometimes we feel like why bother, you know, this is just the way I am or this is my genetics or something like that. But from what I'm hearing from you, this idea of brain type is more of a tool to give you some direction as to what you can change and how you can change those things to be more specific. Is that

Barbara G  17:52 

like a friend of mine? Actually, she's a mentor. He says it's a tool, not a role. It's something that can help guide you you'll find other resources. For me personally, I've found it's one of the most helpful tools because I can take it at any time. And of course being affiliated with Amon clinic certainly helps because they have a lot of resources. And often I'm going to even clinics.com and going along because their blogs are filled with studies recent research on new thoughts and new strategies to support people as they're going through different seasons.

Dr Michelle  18:34 

So that actually brings us to talking about some of the resources because not only do you have the Amon Clinic website, but you also have the YouTube channel where I am very tickled that Dr. Amen as old as he is. He is now starting to get savvy with social media.

Barbara G   18:54 

All these men do not even on Tik Tok. Like he's a businessman on the planet.

Dr Michelle  19:02 

He is so cute to me and he just seems so down to earth. You know, I've been I've never personally met him but he just seems that way. And then the other resource that we're gonna have all of these links for you guys in the show notes. The wonderful resource that she's referring to is the brain type assessment, and there's a free version. You really want to get deep in the weeds and go down that rabbit hole. I encourage you to go to the Amon Clinic website. So that you can get connected to practitioners that can do a much more comprehensive assessment with you in terms of the brain health survey, but also you can if need be look into getting a SPECT scan. So now actually talking about the SPECT scan what would be an indication of the need to get a SPECT scan? Because I mean, it's kind of pricey. So

Barbara G  19:55 

it is very pricey, and honestly, not everyone is able to get it have the resources to do that. What would be the need? Like there's if someone has a known condition or is really concerned for a loved one or themselves, they feel like their brain is struggling in some way. That is certainly a reason to have one and and honestly most people going through the clinic they usually are having a range challenge some people decide to go just to get an assessment to see where their brain is at because they want to take preventative measures they really want to protect the health of their brain now even before they have symptoms later on in life. So it really depends what they have going on. For me my family has a history of Huntington's Disease, which is a genetic brain disorder. I lost my father and my sister to that and it terrified me. I didn't want to put my head in the sand and knowing that there is a 50% chance that I could pass it on to my children I wanted to build that out with other tests. So I started it became a brain warrior for my family. I really wanted to change my legacy. There's a lot of stuff that run in my family. And I just was tired of the shame of some of the stories that have been passed on and I wanted to be able to give my children and my children's children one day, every day to really just go in the direction and have a legacy that would that they knew that they could thrive in but also be very aware of certain things that do run in our family. Yeah,

Dr Michelle  21:36 

you know, that is so key. Because, as I said with my story with my son, what pushed me in that direction of just saying, Look, I'm getting this I don't care how and luckily I was able to get financing for that through the Amen clinic. But I knew I didn't want to take any chances. I didn't, I didn't want them to play the guessing game. My son's brain was too precious and things had gotten to a significant crisis. And I was also aware that there were certain people in my family that had have quote unquote, mental health issues, you know, so I was done with the guessing. You know, and perhaps some of you out there are saying, you know, I've been struggling with this for so long, and it's not getting any better you means the world when I was able to show my son the actual scan of his brain, you know, where you can actually see things as opposed to just this guessing game or somebody's checklist or you know, well, I think it's this I think it's that, you know, there was none of that when he was able to actually see the scan. It was that aha moment have you had that experience to Barber? Oh, my goodness.

Barbara G  22:49 

Yeah. So my skin was back in 2017. And I had picked up a book change your brain change your life. I had tried all kinds of things but I I was struggling with depression, anxiety, panic. Attacks. And just some things I couldn't explain. And when I read that book, it resonated on so many levels. And I read about something called EMDR to release some childhood memory, and like, ooh, that really resonates with me, and then I read about the scan. And so I decided, I wanted to see for myself because I had been down the road of so many specialists to find, help and spend a lot of money and knowing, you know, this was a big chunk of change. It wasn't you know, change but I'm like, you know, what, I'm going to find a way to do that. Sometimes when you want something bad enough, or when you've hit rock bottom, and you figure out a way. Yeah, I did. And I saw pictures and at first it freaked me out a little bit. But they were so good and showing me what was going well, because sometimes you leave the doctor and you all you hear about is what's wrong. And I felt like I had hoped but it showed me there was a baseball diamond pattern, which you are familiar with. It showed that there was some trauma that was existing my brain. It showed areas of three mild injuries, which explains so many explained learning disabilities. explained the ringing in my ears. It explains so much it for me to be able to have an answer to what was going on was really helpful. But then staying committed to my brain res habilitation the neurofeedback training the supplementation and the therapy and stuff so it was so empowering over time. It wasn't easy, but it just flipped it gave myself compassion for myself. I tend to and I think many women tend to be harder themselves, you know, in lieu of all the amazing things they're doing till they're hard on ourselves. And it gave me I was like, wow, I've done pretty good with all that going on in my head.

Dr Michelle  25:10 

You know, I love this because unfortunately there's such a stigma with regard to quote unquote, mental illness and I think it's because the way in which the industry has gone about it is that it's this woowoo nonsense, where it's a guessing game and spinning a roulette thing. It's like oh, I think it's this. I think this this, and I loved when I heard Dr. Ayman say that, you know, this is the only field where people don't test the Oregon that they're quote unquote treating. We're doing all of this crazy stuff with medications. And we have no idea of actually what's going on in the physical organ. So as you said, this was a game changer. And the beauty that I hear from you, is also that you're not locked into that diagnosis. You're not locked into you're not hexed by like, Oh my God, you're going to be a titan blah blah for the rest of your life and there's nothing you can do about it except take these medications, you know, so I I am just so invigorated and excited when I hear that our Mommies can heal them don't have to suffer. Ah. So yeah, as we are more you know, so as we wrap up, what is the one thing that comes to your mind? That you really want to impress upon our ladies?

Barbara G  26:46 

It's a message they've heard before, many times. Prioritize self care is smart care. Yes, the oxygen mask. Scene is great, but we tend to think this is self care as a time and a crisis.

Barbara G  27:12 

When we make self care habit now, even when we do well we're going to be more resilient during the crisis. Don't wait for a crisis to happen to put your oxygen mask on. That I wish I had told myself I wish someone had told me is don't wait until you can't do any more or don't have more energy. Make self care. Heard of your daily regimen. I remember Dr. Ayman saying at the very beginning of 2020 Mental Hygiene is just as important as washing your hands. I also believe self care hygiene is just as important spiritual hygiene is just as important. Emotional hygiene is just as important as washing your hands. For me and my brain. I have to hear something differently. I have to hear it from someone else for me to shift my thinking. And so I've had to read language and use different words. Otherwise, I'm not going to take self care seriously. It's going to be another thing on my to do list. And honestly, to be honest, we know we want to do our to do list but those are the things we avoid. Avoid something we create a resistance and our brain comes up with an excuse not to do it. I care fun.

Dr Michelle  28:44 

Yeah. I love that message and I love everything that you've shared with us. You know, ladies. What Barbara has also shared with us is that that self care is not separate from caring from the ones that you love, in fact that self care is an integral part of caring for the ones that you love. And as you pull those two things together, we realize that they're one in the same as you love and care for yourself and your brain. You are loving and caring for the brains of everyone in your home. Well,

Barbara G  29:23 

I love that.

Dr Michelle  29:26 

Love having fun with you, Barbara. Until next time, peace and blessings.

Closing: Thank you for tuning in for this episode of Mommy Heal Thyself, if you liked what we're doing here, please share subscribe, like us and leave a comment. Your feedback is very much appreciated.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai